Strange Doings in Rhode Island

Yes, it's true. New Jersey Monthly editors occasionally leave the state, but only when absolutely necessary--in my case, Fourth of July weekend--and only after mounting flashing neon signs on our cars reading, "New Jersey and You: Perfect Together!" or "Have you eaten a Jersey tomato lately?"

See what a stir that caused outside Warwick, Rhode Island.

We went up on Saturday to visit my mother, who is quite elderly and lives in Cranston. We took her to a nautical themed place to eat. (Note: In southern Rhode Island it is hard to find any restaurant that does not have a nautical theme.)

But this one--Chelo's Waterfront Bar and Grille--had the advantage of also having its own marina.

So look what happens (first picture) when people from New Jersey walk in. I tell you, they can smell us. We smell like blueberry fields and motor oil.

Just kidding. We don't smell like blueberry fields.

And also kidding about the cause of the disturbance.

It was a one-man band, wearing a wireless mike for singing and talking, and playing either an acoustic guitar or alto saxophone, both also miked for wireless sound. Why didn't I take a picture of that? You know, you see it every day, though never in a classy state like New Jersey.

The rest of the music came out of a black box, which played various robotic dance rhythms and predictable harmonies when he pushed the buttons. Then he would stroll around the lawn, which surrounded the dance floor, which faced the tables on the back porch of the restaurant.

That's what people were looking at. I imagine they were wondering, A) Where is that hideous noise coming from? and B) Who is that guy walking around playing a saxophone?

People made a quick adjustment, and soon we were enjoying New England clam chowder (very good) and banana berry cream pie (had to do it).

Looking at the waiter in the second picture reminded me that I have never seen more motorcyclists per square mile, no matter what time of year, than in Rhode Island. One reason could be that it's a nice state with lots of winding roads. Another could be that the law does not require helmets.

If you follow Plain Sight, you know that I have a series of bathroom pictures called "I'll Be Right Back: Visits to Men's Rooms and Bathrooms." Diminishing returns set in a couple years ago, but I keep my hopes up.

The last good addition to the series I found back in May, in a men's room at Rutgers (Plain Sight, May 3).

But here in Rhode Island (third picture) was something I'd never seen before--a framed picture of a sailing vessel (what else?) on the men's room wall, surrounded by bright polished steel.

Had to share it with you.

Finally, I said this restaurant had a marina. This fourth picture should convince you in case you thought I was making it up, although I think they also use these slips to give belly rubs to beached whales.

We had a very nice day with my mother. Rhode Island is quite a place. But it can't hold a candle to the container port at Port Elizabeth.

Tags: photography | Rhode Island

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