Naked Came The Stranger

King Spa, in Palisade Park, is a bit of a secret to many Northern Jersey folks (with the exception of a number of Russians, who are known for their love of bath houses). King Spa is travel without a passport--90% of the people there are Korean. It's immersive in the way New York's Chinatown used to be when I was a kid. And it's immersive in another (I'm blushing) way as well...

King Spa is supremely. intensely immersive, in part because you're naked most of the time. Completely naked.

Don't wear a bathing suit or you'll stand out (as if you didn't already). Other spa-goers will point at you and laugh, and the grandmothers might actually try to pull off your bathing suit (trust me on this, I've been there).

When you're not in your gender-specific naked areas, you're given standard-issue shorts and t-shirts to wear about the place, communist style. It's easier to look dorky when everyone looks dorky; go with it.

There are dozens of saunas to enjoy at a variety of temperatures. One of them reaches 200 degrees Fahrenheit. If you've ever wondered about the expression "hot enough to fry an egg"; it's completely true. They actually roast eggs in this sauna in the morning, then serve them all day. I had to try it; and when I left this particular sauna I was giddy. Endorphins + courage = bliss.

In addition to the hot saunas, there is an ice sauna, whirlpools and steam rooms. There are body scrubs and massages, but if you're looking for a place with fuzzy robes and Enya, you'll need to go somewhere else.

The massage therapists are older Korean women in bra and underwear (but not in a sexy way), who give the very best massage and scrub I've ever had. It's no-frills, and it's only for those who are OK being handled aggressively. There is a lot of pointing and commanding, and they constantly douse you with buckets of warm water. It's sort of like being in a human car wash and, trust me, your skin comes out shiny and new.

It's the kind of spa experience Koreans have known for decades, without any affectation or whispery faux-soothing voices. The Russians have their birch branches and the Thai their "active massages". This is how Koreans do it; It's the real deal.

My husband's favorite part of the spa were these large areas where people watch TV and snooze; when we were there on a recent Sunday there were Korean soaps, sports and a Kardashian marathon. There are rows of no-name BarcaLoungers where you can kick back, put your feet up and relax yourself to sleep. There are also sleeping areas without TVs where people grab mats and just sleep on the floor.

"I mean where else can you just sleep like that, in public?" my husband asked repeatedly, giddy as all get-out.

There are two separate dining areas, a traditional Korean cafeteria-style restaurant, and a smaller area for juice and soda, roasted eggs and crushed ice desserts. You can find the menus on their web site, in the food and beverages section.

Because I was spending the day at the spa, I had the opportunity to enjoy a little something from each venue. I had the Bibim-bap at the restaurant, which came with 5 little bowls of extras: kimchee, spicy tofu, seaweed soup, etc. I felt like I was replenishing my body with delicious nutrition as I was sweating out the toxins. It wasn't fussy or cheffy; it felt like Korean home cooking. I also enjoyed a vivid ginger tea, topped with roasted pine nuts. This is where health meets consumption and it was delicious. I will certainly be preparing my ginger tea this way in the future.

A bit later (to get myself psyched up for that 200 degree sweat-chamber), I had a Potbingsoo, a bowl of crushed ice topped with fruit cocktail, condensed milk and sweet beans. It's a taste I've acquired. You can opt for a bean-free version if this doesn't seem delicious to you. It's served sundae-style, with a bright red maraschino cherry on top.

And that cherry on top, metaphorically, is what makes the King Spa experience so terrific. Families spend the day there together, women gather around the table chattering while the men folk are snoozing in lounge chairs. Teenagers lay around reading fashion magazines, some play cards or chess. You can get a diet soda and your fill of Kardashians. You can brush your teeth and scrub your body clean.

There's no affectation, no lavender mist, no hushed voices. In fact, there's a lot of chatter, gossip, and laughter. And what, really, is more relaxing than sitting around laughing with a group of friends? That is your maraschino. And you won't find it in the pricey, organic contemporary spas; you have to travel to another time and place, right here in Jersey.

King Spa
www.kingsaunanj.com/

321 Commercial Avenue
Palisades Park, NJ 07650
(201) 947-9955


Allison Fishman is the host of Yahoo's Blue Ribbon Hunter and author of You Can Trust A Skinny Cook.For delicious humor & recipes, visit allisonfishman.com or follow @allisonfishman on Twitter.