When a meal goes well, dining out is a pleasing partnership between the restaurant and the diner. In my 20-plus years of restaurant reviewing—17 for New Jersey Monthly!—I’ve learned that diners can fulfill their expectations by properly preparing in advance, asking questions and clearly stating preferences, speaking up, and reacting if things don’t go your way. Here are some finer points.
[RELATED: A Dining Critic’s Secrets for Nabbing Top-Notch Service]
Before you go, prep like a pro.
Check out the menu online, especially if you have a particular diet. If you do find yourself in a restaurant where you can’t eat most of the food, you’ll have to do your best to adapt, because no kitchen can detour too far from its menu to completely remake dishes. If none of the entrées work for you, order multiple appetizers and/or sides.
And that pesky three or four percent credit card fee? Avoid it by bringing cash.
Consult customers onsite!
When I try a new place, I ask diners departing the restaurant, “What was great?” And I take their spontaneous, unfiltered comments to heart.
Let your server know you’re calling the shots.
Good service is attentive, respectful and organized. Help your server by noting if you have limited time—or ample time if you want a leisurely meal. If you feel your server isn’t taking you or their job seriously, address the issue; you’re paying for professional service. Taking a moment to summon your nerve can put your meal on the right course. Tell the server something like, “We want you to know that we expect your full attention.” The server will know they can’t get away with dismissive service.
Pipe up if poor service continues.
If your food arrives willy-nilly or cold, or if your server is rude or condescending, get up, go to the reception desk, ask for the manager and briefly describe the service fails or misbehavior. If the manager downplays your discomfort or makes excuses, restate your point of view. Things should improve from there. (And if your server has crossed a line by employing sarcasm or putdowns, ask the manager for a different server.)
Know a good cocktail from a junky one.
At many restaurants, “artisanal” or “craft” cocktails are just buzzwords. Not all cocktails are created equal. A good cocktail, even with bottom-shelf liquor, is made with honest, fresh, non-packaged ingredients. Righteous fixins include fresh-squeezed juices; housemade infusions, syrups and bitters; classic European liqueurs like Grand Marnier, amaro, Strega and Licor 43. So-so ingredients include pre-flavored add-ins like coconut rum, ginger liqueur, peach schnapps, boxed fruit purées or bottled-fresh lemon or lime juices. Awful, cost-cutting ingredients range from “toppers” like club soda or cheap Prosecco to fruity sodas like Sprite to factory-bottled lime juice to boxed juices (like orange or tomato). The lowest of the low? Flavored sugar syrups like you’d see at Starbucks; synthetically colored elements like blue liqueur or maraschino cherries; powdered mixers listed on the menu as “instant margarita” or “sour mix.”
Get the most out of a wine or beer list.
Restaurants often permit diners to bring their own wine for a “corkage fee” that can range from about $10 to $35. You’ll still come out ahead, so find out in advance. If you choose to order wine, remember that a bottle contains five not-huge glasses. And whether you order a glass or a bottle, inform your server (or sommelier) of your budget and tastes. Then request a tasting sip of the two or three recommended. (Yes, you can taste first even if you’re just ordering one glass!)
Even a quadruple-the-retail-price wine list will offer some decent bottle values. Those are often the second- or third-cheapest wines on the list. Before ordering, you can take a moment to check out reviews and retail prices on a website or app like Vivino.
If you simply can’t in good conscience order an ordinary wine that’s been significantly marked up, think about beer, which usually provides better quality for the price. Again, feel free to ask for a tasting sip of a beer on tap.
Work with your server.
Find out what’s freshest and not frozen or canned, from eggs to fries to guacamole to salad. (I was once served canned beets in a pear salad.) Inquire if the produce is local. Sometimes the freshest main dish is a daily special. (If your server doesn’t give the price, ask!) Don’t automatically accept your server’s dish recommendation(s), which may simply be due to excess ingredients in the kitchen.
Have it your way.
If you like your pasta al dente, your side veg scrunchy, your bun toasted, or your salad dressing freely poured, say so. Kitchens don’t mind if a party makes easy special requests. Just be mindful that numerous or complicated instructions will confuse your server and frustrate the cooks.
Order fish defensively.
Always ask what day fish or seafood came into the kitchen, and do not order anything older than two days. If it comes out smelling off in any way, do not accept it. Fish and seafood at inexpensive restaurants are often frozen; inquire first, and consider whether frozen-fish dishes are something you’d be better off making fresh at home. Ask if fish has been deboned, or will be served with or without skin. And specify your chosen doneness, from “barely seared; sushi inside” to “cooked fully through.”
Get to the meat of the matter.
You know how you like your beef or lamb chops cooked, so don’t leave anything to chance. Your server should ask how you’d like your meat—but if not, pipe up. (For any order, settling for “the way the chef makes it” means that no one in the kitchen will be watching out for you.) In my experience, kitchens tend to err on the plus side of doneness—so if you want red-inside rare, ask for “rare minus.” If you order “well-done” steak, the kitchen is likely to select a flawed piece of meat, because well-cooked meat loses its smooth, even texture. If you fancy dry-aged beef, don’t assume that even a pricey steakhouse’s steak has been aged. Ask your server!
Knife-test your meat.
When your beef or lamb is served, slice into it to make sure it’s properly cooked. If the meat is considerably overdone, contrary to your instructions, ask for a replacement. If it’s undercooked, request just a bit more fire; meat cooks quickly in high-heat restaurant ovens or on grills. (The same M.O. goes for fish.) Keep in mind that meats like short ribs or osso buco done “sous vide” are slow-cooked to tenderness, and nearly impossible to overdo.
Make some dessert decisions.
In a good restaurant, cakes and pies are made in-house or by a local pastry chef. Ask where the desserts are made. If they come from a factory bakery or food-service supplier, I decline. A restaurant’s ice cream might be made in the kitchen, or by a respected local creamery, which is OK. But increasingly often, the ice cream on the menu is just a packaged brand you can serve at home, such as Sedutto. I’d pass on the latter.
Chocoholics, be picky.
Fine restaurants use fine chocolate, not brands better known for chocolate syrup or candy bars. Ask! Top-notch baking chocolate can be domestic (Ghirardelli, Guittard, Scharffen Berger) or international (French, Dutch, Belgian or Swiss brands). Many upscale restaurants are loyal to France’s impeccable Valrhona chocolate.
Do some cost-cutting.
A restaurant’s lunch menu will often be close to its dinner menu but offer more bang for your bite. Remember that add-ons like truffle or foie gras will puff up your check. Likewise for bottled water, or club soda (which is carbonated at the bar, and pure profit for the restaurant). Steak sauces may or may not be included in the menu price; inquire when ordering.
Charcuterie boards can be either a major or miserable value: Sometimes they’re as copious as entire meals (like at Stage Left Steak or Agricola Morristown); other times, they’re meager—slivers of salumi and shards of cheese. Ask your server how generous these assortments are, and/or look through photos on the restaurant’s Yelp page.
When your check comes, go over it. I recently caught three overcharges on a lunch bill!
Don’t resort to revenge reviews.
An unhappy but silent diner who tries to get even by venting on social media, and/or tipping vindictively, creates a lose-lose situation for everyone. When your meal is off to a bad start in any way—service-, ambience- or food-wise—the restaurant manager should work to salvage it.
If the situation is truly intolerable or hopeless, cut your losses: Pay up and leave. Later, phone the manager (usually available before dinnertime) and describe what happened. You might get invited back on their dime.
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