The service itself went fine and was no big deal: oil change, tire rotation, new wiper blades.
It was the survey that bugged me.
To rate things like the comfort of the waiting room and "amenities etc" to the friendliness of the staff and the "convenience" of the parking, several questions required me to pick a number from 1 to 10.
Fine. I get that.
But as if 1-to-10 needs explanation, next to the 1 it said something like worst ever, and next to the 10 it said:
"Truly Exceptional."
Words are not chaff.
Was anything about the experience truly exceptional? Sorry, guys. On those questions, I gave the dealership a 9.
At the end, the survey invited me to comment.
As it happened, I had nothing better to do. I was lying in bed, having woken up in the middle of the night. Unable to get back to sleep, I picked up my phone to see if new emails had arrived, maybe an update on Jeff Bezos buying the Washington Post that day or A-Rod appealing his mega-suspension.
And there was the survey. So I took it. And at the end, I decided—what the hell—to "comment."
Here is what I wrote:
"You may wonder why I gave you 9s rather than 10s. The reason is I take words seriously. Your survey said 10 means ‘truly exceptional.’ Have you ever asked yourself what would something have to be to be truly exceptional? Would being ‘excellent’ make something truly exceptional? Probably not unless virtually every other thing it could be compared to was mediocre.
"Take ‘comfort of seating area (amenities etc).’
"What would be truly exceptional?
"Well, leather reclining chairs in individual rooms with large windows looking out on English gardens and a personal barista bringing you a fresh-brewed latte and hot scones with clotted cream while a reflexologist relieves all the tension in your body with gentle pressure on the 27 body-linked zones of your feet.
"If you had just listed numbers from 1 to 10, I would have given you 10s, even though that implies nothing higher can be aspired to. But once you stipulated that 10 means truly exceptional you gave me no choice but to give you 9s, except in the one case where you noted that 10 means ‘highly likely’ to recommend the dealership."
Obnoxious, right? Snotty, pedantic and gratuitous, too. And lacking a strong ending, or "kicker," as we used to say at People magazine.
But maybe a teeny bit funny?
How would you rate it on a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being "truly exceptional"?