New Jerseyans have heard it all. “Jersey stinks.” “The only good thing about Jersey is leaving it.” “It’s the armpit of America.”
But after decades of being a punchline, New Jersey Monthly—with help from some of our state’s fiercest supporters—are getting the last laugh. We’re taking on the notorious stereotypes that non-Garden Staters love to toss our way, and proving why they just don’t hold up.
We asked some of Jersey’s top comic minds to get in on the fun. Chris Gethard, Judy Gold, Retta, Kevin Smith, and Robert Smigel (with sidekick Triumph the Insult Dog) gave us their pointed, hilarious comebacks to some of the biggest Jersey jokes out there.
Here’s what they had to say.
THE ROAST:
New Jersey’s entertainment industry can’t hold a candle to New York or Hollywood.
THE BOAST: “When you grow up in the shadow of the epicenter of the entire universe—Manhattan—it’s like being the younger brother to an iconic older sibling. You have no choice but to shine on your own if you ever hope to be noticed. And the moment that glow catches anyone’s attention, I always tell them it happened in Jersey, because of Jersey. Then I shit on New York and Philly a little. I love Manhattan and Philadelphia, don’t get me wrong; but shitting on them any chance we get is in the blood pumping through every genuine Jersey heart.”
—Kevin Smith
Smith is the filmmaker behind movies like Clerks and Mallrats, the owner of Smodcastle Cinemas and Jay and Silent Bob’s Secret Stash, and a Red Bank native who was raised in Highlands.
THE ROAST:
Jersey restaurants don’t hold up to those in New York City.
THE BOAST: “Ever had a New Jersey tomato? Been down the Shore? Didn’t think so. You think New Jersey is disgusting? Don’t eat at our diners. Skip our pizza, bagels and Italian food. We survived before your opinion, and we’ll survive after it. And do us a favor: Take Monopoly off your family game night. Drive safe (and don’t stop at Jersey Mike’s)!”
—Judy Gold
Gold is an Emmy award-winning actor, writer, comedian, star of Hulu’s Not Suitable for Work and HBO’s Life, Larry and the Pursuit of Unhappiness, and a Clark native.
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THE ROAST:
Nobody wants to live in Jersey.
THE BOAST: “In New York, I spent two years in a bedbug-infested apartment. Then six in a room with no closet and windows overlooking an abandoned lot. These days, I drive around Morris County and slow down to take in the beauty. There’s one stretch of Route 37 in Ocean County that’s exactly what people think Jersey is. The rest, from Hunterdon to Paterson, is shockingly gorgeous.”
—Chris Gethard
Gethard is a comedian, West Orange native, Morris County resident, Rutgers graduate and editor at Weird NJ.
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THE ROAST:
Jersey’s full of meatheads and airheads.
THE BOAST: “New Jersey is a state of movers and shakers. The more landfills, the more that is happening in your state. Same goes for highways. We need the highways to move and the landfills to…shake our trash into? You get it.”
—Retta
Retta is an actress, comedian, writer, host of HGTV’s Ugliest House in America, and Newark native who grew up in Edison and Cliffwood Beach.
