New Jersey Transit, the third-largest commuter rail in the nation, might stop operating at 12:01 am on Sunday. If you’re among the 105,000 commuters that are S.O.L. on a way into work, you might be dealing with a whirlwind of emotions and questions, like: Do I really have to carpool with strangers? Does this mean I can or cannot sleep in?
Lucky for you, we have a list of 12 extremely serious suggestions to get you to and from work during the strike.
By Land
- Horseback: Besides spending quality time with a beautiful, majestic animal, New York horse laws state that every person leading a horse upon a roadway shall be granted all rights—but you can’t ride a half-hour before or after sunset. The right hand shoulder of any road is all yours, so you’ll likely be able to cut down your commute.
- Walk: Walking reduces the risk of coronary heart disease, improves blood pressure and blood sugar levels and enhances mental well being. If you’re that type of person who is okay being five minutes (or three hours) late, this is the way to go.
- Scooter: Where is that Razor scooter anyway? Oh yeah, it’s in the garage with all of the other wonderful outdoor activities you’ve abandoned over the years.
- Tunneling: As a child, your destination was China; now, it’s New York City. If two murderers can dig a tunnel out of a maximum security prison, you can certainly give it a try. Aim for a manhole and start digging. Your tunnel will probably be better than the ones we already have anyway.
By Air
- Hot air balloon: The WiFi won’t be strong, but the meditation will be. Soar 2,000 feet in the air and let your mind wake up with the sun while you float to work.
- Hang glide: The only traffic you’re likely to encounter is flocks of birds flying back north for the spring.
- Imagination: Go about your morning routine, shower, get dressed, eat some breakfast, then find a comfortable chair and close your eyes. Picture yourself getting in your car and driving wide-open roads to work. Keep your eyes closed for eight hours. Open. Repeat tomorrow.
- Trampoline: We think if you get a big enough start you can jump your way across the Hudson. Although this hasn’t been tested, it might be better than catching an Uber.
By Water
- Swim: It’s only 3,750 to 4,500 feet wide, depending on where you start. It’s also unseasonably warm, so that should help.
- Jet Ski: There are plenty of Jet Ski rentals along the coast. The only thing you have to worry about is keeping your briefcase dry.
- Carpool Submarine: A bit extreme, but we liked the idea of a bunch of humans gliding along the bottom of the river together.
- Kayak: It’s time to put your 5-pound arm curls to the test! Say hey to the Coast Guard for us!
Let us know in the comments which method worked the best for you.
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Funny but not funny. Lots of NJ Transit commuters are mega stressed and fed up with NJT’s hit-or-miss service and this strike will add hours to an already long commute. I hope it can be averted.